Every great company has great leadership. Ours just happens to be ducks.
Director of Flock Resources
Handles hiring, firing, and everyone’s feelings about both. Denied three vacation requests before breakfast. Approach with snacks. 🥚 The Egg
Chief Nap-time Coordinator
Enforces mandatory rest across the flock. Has never personally stayed awake past 2pm. Leads by example. 🪽 Flight School
Director of Duckling Development
Runs the intern program with an iron wing. The bucket hat is non-negotiable. The interns fear her; the algorithm fears her more. 🥚 The Egg
Director of Higher Pond Education
Covers all university outreach. Tailgates in any weather. Bleeds Cardinal red and quacks in ACC. 🦆 Flight of the Qwacker
Head of Beaver Security
Pond perimeter defense. Took a beaver dam to the foot in ’24 and never spoke of it again. The walker is tactical. ✨ Preening
Director of Quack Care
Head of first aid. Stays fully bandaged at all times — half readiness, half from testing the supplies on herself. 🪶 Molting
Chief Party Fowl
Owns entertainment. Has never met a parade he didn’t lead. The beads are company property and he will invoice you. 🐣 Hatching
Director of Talon Artistry
Runs the flock nail bar. Does her best work over an oat milk latte. Booked out six weeks — the waitlist has a waitlist. 🦆 Flight of the Qwacker
Chief Puck Officer
Hockey operations. Has strong opinions about icing. The scarves are load-bearing. Job requirement: must be a die-hard Florida Panthers fan. No exceptions. 🐣 Hatching
Director of Purchasing
Controls the company card. Sephora knows her by name. Ulta sends a car. 🐣 Hatching
Director of Oceanic Relations
Forty years at sea and the stories to prove it — most of them true. Knows every port, every tide, and exactly where the buffet is. 🐣 Hatching
Director of Hardware, Research, and Scouting
Part field scientist, part scout, part hardware hoarder. Treks the Duck Hardware Habitat with a magnifying glass and a research notebook, cataloging every bolt, gear, and golden whatsit the flock has ever waddled past. If a duck part exists in the wild, he’s already sketched it, labeled it, and named the trail it was found on. 🥚 The Egg
Chief Technology Officer
Runs all of duckware. Ships features at 2 a.m. and blames the laptop fire on “iterative development.” Her product roadmap is a stack of books she will absolutely read someday. Build, test, iterate, quack, repeat. 🥚 The Egg
Director of Webbed and Winged Transportation
Runs the entire flock transit system. Five routes, zero delays, one mandatory Snack Stop. Earned his CDL before he could fly. The walkie-talkie is mostly for dramatic effect — everyone can already hear him quacking. 🥚 The Egg
Head Qwack Attack Coach of Qwacker High School
Runs the most feared offense in the county: the no-huddle waddle. Undefeated since the pond froze over in ’22. His halftime speeches are 90% quacking and 100% effective. Recruiting pitch: “Son, do you want to fly?” 🪶 Molting
Chief Rescue Qwacker
Head of the flock’s emergency response team. Swings into action at the first sign of a candy-factory meltdown or a beak-related mishap. Holds the pond record for fastest rescue: zero to gummy bear in three seconds flat. His official catchphrase is “Have no fear — Nico Qwacker is here!” but everyone just calls him Sparky. 🥚 The Egg
Director of Feather and Physique Restoration
Runs the flock’s boot camp from dawn to dusk. She has the skills and the muscles to whip the laziest feather on your mane into the best shape it’s ever been. Has never skipped leg day, mostly because nobody can tell. Famous for her hair transformations: walk in frizzy, waddle out fabulous. Just don’t let her see that eye roll!! 🥚 The Egg
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Now Hiring
Got a duck with management potential? Send a photo and we’ll find it a title.
